Merchants of Death

Tears stream down my face. I close my eyes and listen to The Fray. I can’t hear what they are saying but it sounds really sad.

I got the text this afternoon after class. From my dad who rarely texts me. You have to come home early, it said. I had a group meeting to discuss our project and a dinner meeting afterwards so I called back to find out why.

I had a bad feeling something bad had happened. The feeling had persisted during the day. He didn’t pick buy he called me back shortly … I was thinking please don’t be Sam or Albert, my bros. Or mum. It turned out to be my grandfather, on my mother’s side. My paternal grandfather passed on three years ago.

He was going to come for my graduation … that’s what I keep thinking about. He was going to wear a suit and tie and well shined shoes. He was going to wear his godfather hat and pose with me in my gown.

My grandfather loved suits.. and his godfather hat. I was going to be rich so I could charter a helicopter for him to fly around. He’d always wanted to do that and I was going to keep that promise.

Earlier I’d kept wiping the tears but now I let them flow.

He was an elegant man. Very neat. Polished. He was born poor, he didn’t die rich financially but he leaves behind a wealth of people.

I keep imagining how it happened. It wasn’t a long illness bravely born. It wasn’t old age… he was about 70 [Learned that he died at 78/79]. It was a motorcycle accident. Those boda boda operators riding recklessly. The merchants of death.

He’d just gotten off one motorcycle and was about to cross the road when another bike came from the opposite direction …

Did I say he was gonna come for my graduation?

I feel for my mother. Her dad would walk for miles to come see her in boarding school. He’d wear torn shirts just so he could pay school fees for his 12 children. He’s the type of man who took responsibility seriously … he was.

We didn’t talk much but we had a basic understanding of each other. We’d sit under a tree and listen to the portable radio whenever I was in shagz, which is not too often. It was never often enough.

I left school this afternoon in a haze.. wiped the tears streaming silently in the mat. Later I didn’t care, I just let them flow. The.conductor tried cheering me up but I couldn’t even speak.

Now I’m feeling better, I have to be strong for my mum.

I’ve been tweeting whenever I get any free time… but I just can’t tweet a death. It feels like Twitter is for trivial news like “just won a lottery! ” “just married”. Not any amount of sympathy will bring back my grandfather.

If only we could sit under a tree one more time and listen to Egesa FM. If only I could buy him a hat, suit, shirt, tie, shoes and socks and take that graduation pic with him. If only I could charter that helicopter and give him that ride he always wishes for. If only wishes were horses …

We’ll travel to shagz as soon as we can. We’ll reunite with all the people whose lives my grandfather touched. We’ll curse these careless merchants of death. I’ll wonder if there are stats indicating the number of accidents caused by the recent influx of Chinese motorbikes ridden by untrained merchants of death.

We’ll bury our grandfather and come back to our lives. We’ll be sad for a while, and sad on some lower level for life.

With time we’ll move on. People are born. People die. Every second. Before my time comes I’ll take time to live. I’ve been thinking of writing a will to ‘dispose of’ my online accounts since I have no financial wealth … YET.

As the French say, c’est la vie.

In the meantime, I’m letting the tears flow. Flow for my grandfather. For the boy he was, the man he became, the old man he was before the merchant of death knocked him off this earth.

I’ll miss him.

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49 Responses to Merchants of Death

  1. Noelle says:

    hey Savvy…some things are trully un-tweetable….here’s a rose for him. Be strong Gal. You inspired me to blog.

    Like

  2. charlesmzalendo says:

    am sorry for your loss it has moved me because its raw with emotion take heart he is in a better place

    Like

  3. Noelle says:

    Savvy….it takes strength to tell some stories and that is why you inspired me to blog. Some things are indeed un-tweetable. But here’s a rose for your grandfather. He was blessed to have a grandchild so passionate. Chin up. Your fans mourn with you.

    Like

  4. Noelle says:

    Savvy….it takes strength to tell some stories and that is why you inspired me to blog. Some things are indeed un-tweetable. But here’s a rose for your grandfather. He was blessed to have a grandchild so passionate. Chin up. Your fans mourn with you.

    Like

  5. distantspectatr says:

    hey savvy,
    sincere condolences to you and your family, so sorry for your loss
    truly there will never be another irreplaceable grandfather, and he will be truly missed.
    the death merchants must surely amend their ways they have caused enough untold suffering
    pamoja

    Like

  6. Sibo says:

    Hey sweetheart, my sincere condolences to you and your family. Your grandfather’s torch will keep on shining. May God grant him eternal rest.
    A moment of silence for him.

    Like

  7. Anifur4 says:

    my sincere condolences. He must be watching you from up above and urging you to keep smiling as he is in a better place, away from the merchants of death. May his soul RIP.

    Like

  8. wallyb says:

    very sorry dear for the loss, peut-il reposer en paix. I feel u. I will be laying my grandma to rest this Saturday. All I can remember are the good times we shared and am happy that we shared last Christmas with her(1 week stay) and it was the best December av ever had. She had lots of funny stories and I kept laughing throughout the conversations with her. All that is gone, plus the motivation to go upcountry(she was my motivation). But time heals all wounds. I’ll miss her.

    Like

  9. The Greatrnk says:

    I am sorry for your loss. I pray that the good Lord will give you and your family strength to go through this hard time.

    Like

  10. Anonymous says:

    C’est la vie mon amie. My heart goes to you and your family, just be strong.

    Like

  11. rosyrotten says:

    I did not take it seriously till i read this…pole dear(*tears flowing*)!!I feel your loss-death is so cruel!!Rem what you always say:The meaning of life is that it ends!So take heart and be strong for momma!!My thoughts are with you…

    Like

  12. Cookieiskuku says:

    Be strong

    Like

  13. Anonymous says:

    Pole sana for the misfortune. May his soul rest in peace. Stay strong

    To be absent from the body
    Is to be present with the Lord
    The dust returns to earth
    The spirit returns to God Who gave it

    (2 Cor 5: 8, Eccl 12: 7)

    Like

  14. Muraya Kamau says:

    Pole sana savvy 😦

    Like

  15. Our Kid says:

    Things will look up. There was this poem that someone wrote for an advert of a motorcycle

    Its called If

    If I had my life to live over, I’d try to make more mistakes next time
    I would relax
    I would be sillier than I have been this trip
    I know of very few things I would take seriously
    I would take more chances
    I would take more trips
    I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets
    I would eat more ice-cream and less beans
    I would have more actual problems and fewer imaginary ones
    You see I am one of those people who live prophylactically, sanely and sensibly
    Hour after hour , day after day
    Oh, I have had my moments and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them
    In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments one after another
    If I had my life to live over
    I would start bare footed earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the day
    I would play hooky more
    I would ride on more merry-go-rounds.
    I’d pick more daisies

    HARLEY-DAVIDSON MOTOR-CYCLES
    CALL 0-800-1146-21
    Alternatively, you could wait until tomorrow.

    Like

  16. Jsakinyi says:

    I’m very sorry for your loss. May the Lord comfort you during this tough time.

    Like

  17. Anonymous says:

    My condolences dear one. Be well.

    Like

  18. Adaya says:

    am sorry for your loss . sucks that this could have been avoided. bOdas nkt!

    Like

  19. farmgal says:

    So sorry for your loss Savvy

    Like

  20. Daisy says:

    Celebrate the life he lived, tread the path he fashioned and let time dull the pain. I wish you and the your family the strength you need to go through this. the pain. I wish you and the your family the strength you need to go through this.

    Like

  21. Angel Cassandrae says:

    I’m just now reading this =[ How are you doing now, hon? Chin up, you’ll be fine. *hugs you like crazy*

    Love,
    your e-sis, Angel.

    Like

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  24. Anonymous says:

    hi
    I was enlighten on you site. Eventually it’s a cool one. I even like it much. Hope you will be okay and you could overcome the pain. That’s part of life. See yeah around.

    Like

  25. Anonymous says:

    hi
    I was enlighten on you site. Eventually it’s a cool one. I even like it much. Hope you will be okay and you could overcome the pain. That’s part of life. See yeah around.

    site
    Blinds

    Like

  26. Woolie says:

    Hi Savvy,

    So sorry to read about your loss.

    Like

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