When I try to ask myself who am I, and what am I doing on this earth and such like questions that have no real answers; it is usually because I’m trying to find direction and motivation on the way forward. As if such a thing is even possible. But perhaps on some level, you do find what you need to make you look forward to the future.
I think campus is the defining age, where character is etched in us. It’s the age where you decide what you will do in the future, not an exact definition but a general idea of where you will be as a young adult, a middle-aged person, an elderly person.
I have done my fair share of projects, sub-projects, contractual jobs, volunteer jobs etc Although all were IT-related, there is the matter of whether I was becoming a Jill of all trades and master of none. Sometime last year, when I finished the classwork of my master’s course, I decided I would go into stable employment. Regular salary at the end of the month.
I got a job at a company that was a start-up, paid little (money is always relative) but it was always on time. I lasted 3 months and left mostly because I was unhappy. I realized it wasn’t the place I wanted to be, I wasn’t proud of my job, I didn’t see a future, career advancement and growth. And so after 3 months, I quit. There might also have been the matter of bosses whom I couldn’t relate with (sure no one says you have to relate with your bosses but still there’s that level of confidence you should have in the people controlling your paycheck).
One month later, I had two exciting offers with relatively good pay. One was more exciting than the other but was riskier and had little room for growth (I was going to start at the top, per se), the second one was less exciting but more stable and I was starting out at the bottom rung of the ladder, so to speak. What really tipped the scale in favour of the second offer was the fact that I was then 5 months pregnant, and I knew I would get my maternity leave hassle free with the second option. Plus the stability is what I needed to settle down and raise my son without worry. At least for now.
The moment I started working at my current job, I knew I made the right choice. Sure, it’s an 8-5pm, suit-wearing kind of job. But it reminds of the TV show, Suits. Complete with partnership reward if you get to the very top. No, it’s not a law firm but it’s an international audit firm (I do IT audit, generally speaking). I’m proud when I say what I do, where I work. I can go literally anywhere in the world and be recognized as an employee of the firm. If my work is satisfactory, exceptional, there will be opportunities for growth in/out of the firm.
For now, I enjoy what I do. I am happy at the end of the day, I go home knowing I achieved something. How miserable would I be if I spent the best hours of my day doing something I don’t like?
But do I really love my job? Ask me this question in a year and I will have the real answer.