When you are a
beautiful young woman in your mid 20′s, you meet all types and ages of men.
35 and Over
Idris Elba is now 41. Sadly, he’s already married. Or divorced and taken. It’s confusing.
When this man meets you, he wants to wife you. The dates are not about having fun or getting to know each other slowly, they are opportunities for scrutiny and the Spanish Inquisition. 21 questions are asked and more. How many kids do you want to have? Where do you come from (tribewise)? What are you future ambitions? How many brothers and sisters do you have? When am I meeting your father? All these are asked within the first 2 or 3 dates.
The older bachelor has been through it all. He has dated all kinds of chicks, has driven fast cars, has climbed the corporate ladder or established his business. But he’s still empty inside. He goes home at night to an empty (spacious) house, and wakes up to a cold bed. He tries to stay out in the club a little longer but his friends with their partners leave by midnight. He can no longer stand the young girls who are in the club past midnight, because he’s done it all before and he knows how the scenario plays out. He doesn’t fit in at the places with loud music and campus kids, but he doesn’t fit in the mugiithi and nyama choma joints either because they are for married men.
So you ask him why he’s not married at that age. There’s probably a sob story in there. His ex-fiancee gave birth to a kid who wasn’t his, she broke his heart and trampled it to pieces. He said he’d never love again but suddenly he’s 35 and his parents are asking him for grandchildren. He has all the money he needs but no one to spend it on. He has land and has built a mansion but how can a man live alone in a house meant for a family?
If you meet this kind of man, do not date him unless you are ready to settle down. You can’t change him, he is set in his habits. You have to conform to his world, submit to it. He has no qualms about taking responsibility, paying for all you financial needs including a monthly allowance whether you work or not. He will gladly adopt your kid(s) if you have any from a previous relationship but he will want his own as well. The price you have to pay is living in his world with no ambitions of your own. This could work if you are looking for someone to ‘take care’ of you, while you nurture his children.
The man I have described above however, should not be mistaken for the chronic bachelor. This is a man who is over the hill (35) but is never going to settle down. He still drives fast cars and chases after young girls and refuses to grow up. Or he’s grown up but prefers being alone. Avoid the chronic bachelor as he will just use you and move on.
Late 20′s to Early 30′s
This is the perfect age of the man for a mid 20′s woman. There’s some seriousness to the relationship and if you can find a connection with someone, you could end up with a life partner. This is the guy you can ‘grow together’ with, meaning you can make compromises and he can make some. You cannot change him completely, but you can soften the sharp edges, smoothen the rough surfaces and will you shave that beard already (okay sweetie, do it for me please.. I like you cleanshaven). You need to find someone who has most of the characteristics you are looking and be willing to compromise in some areas because nobody is perfect.
The kind of car this guy is driving will tell you if he’s life-long-partner (in other words husband) material. If he’s driving a Toyota Premio, say yes, for God’s sake no single man drives a Premio unless he has secret ambitions of a family. If he’s driving a loud Subaru, leave him alone swiftly as he is still out to impress (the ladies). Well, if it has to be a Subaru, let it be an Outback or Forester. Spacious for the family, and with enough boot space to carry sacks of foodstuff from shagz.
He will support you with your business/career/school ambition, and you should offer the same support. Together, you can build that ‘dream’ house in Syokimau and get the picture perfect 2 kids. Or perhaps you can date for a short while, but you will have fun together in that short while. He wants to stay out with the boys, sure let him but he has to be home by midnight. etc etc
Early to Mid 20′s
This man wants to have fun, whether he has money or not. He is restless, full of energy and wants to dance all night. Your dates are in loud clubs with thumping music. He has no time for mushy coffee dates or movie theaters. Pubs playing rumba with no dance floor are boring. He can tell the difference between Justin Bieber and Miley Cirus. He wants to drive the hottest, loudest, fastest car. He wants you to dress up so he can show you off to his boys. He is fun to be with, but this requires energy from you. And time.
Who is Justin who is Miley?
If you are dating him, do it for fun. Do not even hint at settling down as this will send him scurrying off for the next ‘fun girl’. For him, life is just beginning and he feels invincible. He’s the god of youth and will not be satiated until he’s pocked it in every hole and overtaken all the cars in the world. Maybe I exaggerate but dating a man in his early 20′s requires a lot of energy which can only be matched by an equally youthful woman.
What’s your experience?